What is It?

Recently I was organising the files on my laptop when I came across this. Parts of It resonated with the way I’m feeling now. I revisited It in 2023. Last year I thought what I wrote below was nothing more than the result of a down-on-their-luck university student, a lonely Friday night and a bottle of red wine. Now I think otherwise. It's crazy how much we change within just a matter of years.

It

It’s a bird, It's a plane, It's Superman! But It’s also mountain biking, coding and geography… what is It. It is everything and everywhere. It is life and It will never stop whispering in your ear.  

You're confused… so am I. I don’t even know what It means and neither do you. My mind is racing like a sports car, and I’m typing words so fast, I don’t even know what they are. But if anything’s certain, I’m furious, and I’ve got whatever It is to blame.

This is absolute nonsense unless you're me of course. I’m always sad not sad, and when I’m not, I’m angry not angry, and I know why. I don’t have It. I need a change. I need It to take my mind off things. Maybe I’ll find a partner or buy a pet, someone or something to harness my attention. 

It doesn’t have to be that barista you’ve got a crush on or that Kelpy you’ve always wanted to buy, It can be whatever you want it to be. For instance, It could be a personal project or a team sport. With time, your It will change. Right now, writing about It is my It. But regularly, like a sociopath, I write about myself. Am I It?

You can have more than one It. In fact, you can have as many as you’d like. I’ve got multiple, but I seem to only be able to think about one at a time, I wish I could think otherwise… my hyper-focused mind finds managing Its’ simultaneously incredibly difficult. 

My Its’ change frequently. I’m not talking about the kind of change that takes months, days or even hours, I’m talking about the type of change that takes minutes. Consider this theoretical scenario, in the early evening I may find myself deeply engaged in a climate change documentary, swearing a momentary oath to live like a nomad, only to forget about the oath completely after the credits roll and I hop into my cold, empty bed, where I lay staring at the ceiling thinking about how nice it would be to have to someone speak to. One moment I’m a climate change activist and the next I’m a hopeless romantic.

You’re reading my It, but this hasn’t been my It for a while. Journaling is an It that comes in waves, some larger and more powerful than others. It has helped me break through confusion, depression and uncertainty, allowing me to understand my strengths and weaknesses so I can better myself.

It is romance, It is suffering and It is happiness. It is like fishing; you’ll feel the bite.